Uneh

Guess who is happy?
Megan!
Guess whose life is awesome?
Megan!
Guess who even if she fails this extension assignment should end up on an HA overall?
Megan!

I feel like dancing, dancing.

But I won't, I'm wearing nothing but a bathrobe and I feel that any dancing may severely disturb my stepfather-to-be.

The reason for my happiness?

I am thinking of changing the university I'm planning on going to! I went to the uni I am now thinking of going to yesterday, not for the first time, and it was just beautiful! And it felt right, you know. I'd been ignoring the feelings of wrong-ness that I'd gotten whenever I'd visited my original university. Like, even just the campuses. Original University A is all grey and concrete and it's always cold and no one really looks at each other. New University B is green and pretty and sandstone and the buildings are old and historic! Oh, and everyone there looks like they are having a good time.

I mean, vibe aside, I have done some research on potential courses at University B and I found out that it will actually be better for me to go there. I will be more employable (especially since I plan on going overseas and Uni B is much more globally recognised than Uni A). And the writing component is pretty much the same as at Uni A, except I get to have another major which allows me to do more on effective use of the english language. I'm so excited!

Added Bonus: It is the university that my two best friends attend/will attend. That had absolutely no bearing on my decision, so don't scowl at me, omnipresent reader.

I was unhappy with the thought of going to Uni A, but right now, I'm practically glowing thinking about Uni B!

xoxo,
Megan

:)

Today was a good day. I thought I should put that out there, just to show I'm not all smudged mascara and angst.

I am doggedly avoiding even thinking about my horrific extension english assignment, and so far that is working out well for me.

Sunshine, lollypops, rainbows, everything is wonderful when we're together.

Ha!

In your face :P

xoxo,
Megan

P.S.A.

Negam sucks. Neas is awesome. The end.

I apologise if I seem forward, but I must speak my mind...

Sorry! Sorry! A thousand times sorry! I shouldn't be emo.

In faaact, I'm going to tell you a story.

Once, there was a girl named...let's call her Negam. When Negam was fifteen, she had a boyfriend. She didn't like him too much so one day she broke up with him. Negam's now ex-boyfriend called her an emo slut who should die in a hole. Negam was a little upset.

Fast forward to when Negam is sixteen. She has a best friend who she trusts very much. Negam happens across the blog of this best friend (semi by accident, Negam takes some blame) and discovers that the latest post is a long rant about how much the best friend (?) hates Negam because she is insecure and whiny and emo.

A few days ago, seventeen-year-old Negam is talking to her (new) best friends Neas and Ila. Negam gets into a fight with Neas (which is fairly common). Negam gets heated and insults Neas, he, understandably, retaliates. He calls Negam emo and irritating. Negam is sad so she talks to Ila. Ila agrees with Neas which upsets Negam even more.

Negam is now hyper-self-conscious of appearing emo, and so she posts what likely ARE emo blog posts on her blog because she feels like she can't tell the two people she trusts most in the world about her problems anymore.

That is why Negam is sad and acting like an idiot for no reason. Negam's life isn't that bad. She is going to graduate high school soon and then she can run away and be an entirely new person.

xoxo,
Megan, alias, Negam

From now on, this is my diary.

I hate everything. I hate everyone. I hate my life, I hate who I am. I hate everything.

I hate that my friends never go out.
I hate that I'm getting fatter.
I hate that I'm ugly.
I hate that everyone agrees with me.
I hate that I'm going to have a crap OP.
I hate that my heart is broken.
I hate that that is for no reason.
I hate love.
I hate that I've never been in love.
I hate that I will never let myself be in love.
I hate Australian Idol.
I hate feeling like this.
I hate that I trust no one.
I hate that I thought I'd moved on.
I hate that everyone hates me.
I hate that I can't tell anyone this.

I think...

...that if you believe in soulmates, I shouldn't exist. My parents weren't soulmates, they were probably never meant to be together. If they weren't meant to be together, I shouldn't exist. If I shouldn't exist, I don't have a soulmate. I guess the wrongness ends with me.

Late-Night Ramblings

I thought I should do this more like a typical blog post...about myself but not necessarily a list of random facts that no one needs to know.

I love the internet for it's anonymity. I can write whatever I want to and it will never be found by anyone I know. Or maybe it will, it doesn't bother me. My philosophy is that whatever happens, happens.

My parents divorced when I was eleven (I'm seventeen now). At the time it didn't seem as earth-shatteringly important as it does now. This is probably a reversal of the usual trend. They both have significant others now, my mum is getting married next May. A stepdad...it's kind of weird to think about. I'm not even sure I've totally processed it. He pretty much lives here now anyway, so it's not completely like anything will have changed. Still...it sort of makes my need to escape seem even more pressing.

That's something else about me, I suppose. I want to run away. I want to sever ties. I daydream about just dropping everything one day and moving to another country. I could change my name, how I dress, everything. I could never be found. I'm not so emo as to assume that I wouldn't be missed, but I think everyone would adjust. It would be perfect. I don't have the guts, though.

My family and I just attempted to play a board game. What a huge mistake. I don't know if it's like this in other families, but my mum and her fiance get super competitive and accuse everyone else of cheating. Then we leave the game more angry and less bonded than when we went in. A few months pass, we forget the negative side-effects of board games and they regain their allure. Hence, the vicious cycle continues. I think it was an evil plot by board-game-makers. They create these games which are promoted to increase family cohesiveness but instead they push you apart. The family then buy more board games in an attempt to regain their closeness, which pushes them further apart etc. It wouldn't suprise me.

I've always wondered if skin-care products really work. Like, if they cure your skin, wouldn't their usefullness be over? So, wouldn't it make sense to create a product that heals your skin somewhat, but never completely? I dunno, maybe I'm being too cynical about big companies.

We are watching documentaries on 9/11 in two of my subjects in school. I sort of...well, I hate it. The documentaries achieve their purpose, I feel shocked and saddened and angry and sick. I don't like those feelings. I sort of already felt that way about it...so these documentaries aren't changing my position any...so are they really worth it? Too judgemental?

I feel sad tonight. Well, realistically, I feel sad most nights. I sometimes think I might have a mild form of depression or something. I haven't seen anyone, so my melodrama as being the cause is a perfectly legitimate theory. But sometimes I think that surely it's not normal to be sad all the time. I do want to be happy, I just...find it really difficult. I kind of constantly feel like my heart is breaking, for no reason. It's stupid.

xoxo,
Megan

p.s. It's holidays but it doesn't feel like it. I feel like a funeral.