Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day in Australia. I'm not entirely sure when it is everywhere else. I gave my mummy an ABBA cd. She enjoyed it lol. She made us listen to it on repeat as we were going to and from brunch.

I know I didn't post for like the past two days. I'm sorry! I've been sooo busy though. I couldn't post for all of Friday because it was my birthday and like straight after school my friends came over for a sleepover. It was so fun though! I got a really good swag of presents, if I do say so myself. I got a laptop, a 120 gig iPod (I named it Alexander), like ten dvds, a new dressing gown, a large amount of gift certificates from my friends, a cute toy robot, some awesome silver ribbed tights, two necklaces, the Skins season 1 soundtrack and some other stuff. I am quite pleased. I haven't actually tried out my new laptop yet haha, I'm really slack.

I got a bit sad on my birthday though. I was kind of hyper-emotional. I nearly cried because my cheesecake had wildberry sauce on it and I'd forgotten that one of my friends (the ex-best friend) was allergic to raspberries. She ate it and it was fine though, thank God. We played truth or dare and that was fun, it would have been more fun if we had boys there though. We also played 'I Never' which yielded some interesting revelations from the people in the group. We also watched 'Wild Child' and collectively swooned over Alex Pettyfer (?? I don't actually know if that's his name and I am way too lazy to look it up).

I was a bit...insecure on my birthday. I sort of...like, there's a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. One of my friends who has depression is sort of relapsing and a new girl has joined my group (that by itself isn't really anything, it's just because I sort of feel uncomfortable and we have to re-adjust the group dynamics around her) and stuff is just going on. I sort of want like...someone to rely on or someone I can trust to talk to but I don't really have that. As I don't have a best friend in my group, I don't have that there and the person who I used to talk to is the one who is battling depression. So, I'm sort of more focused on being there for them. I feel like I can't complain or talk to that person anymore, because obviously their problems are worse than mine. I dunno...I can't really confide in anyone, which is weird for someone like me who is used to telling everyone everything. I guess there's nothing I can do about it though.

I kind of want a boyfriend...it's nice to have that bond with someone, you know? I think that just having a really good friend would be enough though.

I don't really have anything else to say.

xoxo,
Megan

Kg's to Goal: x
Guitar Hero Plays This Year: 36
Mental Slaps Today: 13

Today is my last official day of BEDA :(

I ist sad. Oh well, it's not really my last day (I think I'll be quite pleased then) but it is making me sad because it means the end of lovely daily blog posts to read from everyone. *sigh*

I mean, for such a momentous occasion, you'd think I'd have something to say...but I don't. I can't find a bag for the freakin' formal -_- It's annoying :P Also, it looks like my failure in my little tournament with Sean has come to nothing! Yay! Megan will not be held to stupid bets! Although, when I brought this up with him he said, "I'm waiting for the right moment." This has made me slightly nervous again.

Does anyone have any advice for making people feel better when they won't tell you what's wrong? I feel sort of useless :(

I might post a poem that I wrote :P

Flower Flower

Flower, flower,
The suns great power,
On your falling leaves does shine,
Oh flower flower, please be mine,

Flower, flower,
A cleansing shower,
Brightens greenly glistening leaves,
Oh flower flower, king of trees,

Flower, flower,
Beautiful tower,
Lightens earth with brightly coloured burst,
Oh flower flower, pick me first.

Yay! Poem :P

xoxo,
Megan

Kg's to Goal: 5
Guitar Hero Plays this Year: 34
Mental Slaps Today: 25

:)

Thanks for your nice comments on the last post BEDA buddies, I really appreciated it.

I have soooo much homework to do tonight! It's ridiculous. It's also the time I should be asleep. *sigh*

I also found out today that I have to go first doing my SOR rap and oral. So that's slightly nerve-wracking, especially considering I'm making what would be considered a 'brave' choice in doing a rap.

I don't really have a huge amount to say today...sorry. Nothing of particular interest. Um...I might ask your advice about something actually.

So, I have this friend who used to be my best friend. About six months ago I accidentally stumbled on her blog and recognised it as hers as she had once shown me it. I was a bit surprised to see that the latest and second-latest posts were quite long bitch-fests about me. They basically said that I was weak, I was fake, I was insecure, I was annoying, she didn't want to be my friend etc. etc.

I confronted her about this the next day I saw her. She said that she was furious that I had read the blog. When I mentioned that I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to, she said that I should have known. She was angrier than I was. I said that I was sorry for reading it and I decided not to make her apologise for saying the things that she did. I thought I was quite calm and collected. All I wanted to know was where we should go from here in terms of our friendship. I finally got her to admit that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I'll admit, that hurt A LOT. But I said 'okay' and I walked away.

Since then things have been a bit weird between us. She is in my group and we aren't outwardly fighting...we're not even really sneakily fighting. Most people in our group don't even know that we had a fight...but they know that something happened. I still sort of feel like I am playing the role of her best friend but that she doesn't like me very much. She lives quite close to me so I offer her lifts to and from places. She takes me home from school some days when she gets picked up (though, that is with other girls in our group). We still catch the train together. We have hung out by ourselves. The most telling thing is, I think, that when something really awful happened to her (two of her best friends were killed in a car crash) she called me to go over her house. And I did, and I genuinely wanted to be there for her.

However, she sort of...is more affectionate to other members of our group and laughs with them more. Everything is kinda awkward between us. We've only had like one actual fight since then but that was when we were both stressed out about exams...so I think that was the spark that lit a mini-bonfire of everything that we were feeling.

I don't know what to do. She's an amazing, lovely, intelligent and funny person. I know I've been making this seem like I am blameless in the whole thing but I'm sure I'm not. That's never the case. The thing is, I just sort of feel like I can't trust her anymore. Also, her opinion still really matters to me. One time I told her about a story that I was writing and she didn't like it so I never touched it again. I just couldn't look at it, it felt stupid because she said it was stupid.

She's always been prettier than me and smarter and more popular. But just when I finally felt like I was becoming my own person and loving myself...she wrote those blog posts and I immediately hated myself again. I feel like maybe I don't want to be her friend when we go to uni. I just think that maybe we're bad for each other.

I dunno, help?!

xoxo,
Megan

Kg's to Goal: I don't even know and I don't really want to know
Guitar Hero Plays this Year: 31
Mental Slaps Today 9